One day, not so long ago, The Younger Woman heard the
Beautiful Girl talking. Beautiful Girl was saying things like “This is my
favorite colour. Is that bad?” and “I really like this game, is that ok?”
The Younger Woman asked Beautiful Girl why she thought
liking things could be bad. Beautiful girl told her that Mother didn’t like the
same things that Beautiful girl did. Mother thought Beautiful Girl should be
playing only the games that Mother liked. Mother wanted Beautiful Girl to wear
only the colors that Mother picked.
Younger Woman thought about this for a while. She thought
about all the times when her own Mother had made her feel unsure of her self
and inadequate because Younger Woman liked something different. She remembered
how hard it was to get beyond all the bad feelings Mother had created in her.
Younger Woman didn’t want that to happen to the Beautiful Girl. Younger Woman
wanted the Beautiful Girl to grow into a Strong Woman. Younger Woman wanted the
Beautiful Girl to value her very own thoughts and ideas, to listen to what made
her heart sing.
The next time Beautiful Girl said “Is that bad?” Younger
Woman said “It’s not bad at all. In fact, it is very good! Having something of
your very own that you like is important.” Then the Younger Woman started
searching for ways to celebrate things that Beautiful Girl liked. Younger Woman
saved pictures she found of Beautiful Girl’s favorite Games and Characters. She
bought clothes that were almost all of Beautiful Girl’s favorite colour.
Slowly, Beautiful Girl stopped saying “Is that bad?” and
started just saying “I like this!”. Younger Woman was very happy to see the
change in Beautiful Girl. She decided that it was time to tell Beautiful Girl
some more good things to think about.
An afternoon came where Beautiful Girl was ready to hear
what Younger Woman needed to tell her. Younger Woman said “Beautiful Girl, you
are an amazing person, and I am very proud of you! I’m so glad that you have
things of your very own that you like, and that you are passionate about. It’s
important to have those things, because they are part of what makes you who you
are.”
Beautiful Girl looked at Younger Woman with hope in her
eyes. Younger Woman went on. She said “Beautiful Girl, you are the daughter of
two people. You are the Daughter of Mother, and you are the Daughter of Daddy.
You have parts of Mother and Daddy inside of you. But you are not Mother or
Daddy. You are your own person and that is an amazing and wonderful thing. It’s
a good thing to be your very own person.”
Younger Woman had one
more thing she needed Beautiful Girl to hear before she was done. She said
“It’s my job as an adult to help you find your passions and favorite things
Beautiful Girl. It’s my job to keep you safe as you explore, and to stand back
and let you have your special things all to yourself. It’s not my job to tell
you what to like, or what your favorite things should be. I would like it very
much if you liked the same things as I do, but Beautiful Girl, I’m strong
enough to not need you to.”
Beautiful Girl listened, and she thought. She went home to
Mother and she tried to be her self. Mother hated Beautiful Girl thinking for
herself. Mother punished Beautiful Girl for liking things all her own. She
called the Beautiful Girl stupid for liking her own games, and accused the
Beautiful Girl of trying to hurt her by wearing clothes that Mother had not
picked out.
Beautiful Girl was strong as well as Beautiful, but her
strength was still young. She tried to make things work with Mother. She tried
to do everything Mother wanted, but it was never enough. Mother always wanted
more. Mother always hurt deeper than it could heal.
Younger Woman watched this happening and her heart broke.
She wasn’t allowed to say anything to Mother. She wasn’t allowed to take
Beautiful Girl away from all the hurt and unfairness because a long time ago,
the Man with Hammer had said Mother knew best. It wasn’t fair. Beautiful Girl
was being hurt, and Younger Woman, and Beautiful Girl’s Daddy couldn’t make it
better.
They did the best they could. When they saw Beautiful Girl
they showered her with Love. They gave Beautiful Girl space to breath, and time
to relax. They encouraged Beautiful Girl in her favorite things and played her
games with her. And at the end of the two days that the Man with the Hammer had
said they were allowed with Beautiful Girl, Younger Woman and Daddy had to take
Beautiful Girl back.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. But it was what the Man
with the Hammer said they had to do. So Daddy and Younger Woman did their very
best to build a big soft cushion of love around Beautiful Girl. They tired to
make that cushion so big, and so bouncy that Mother’s nasty words and bullying
would bounce right off.
Two days isn’t a very long time though. Younger Woman and
Daddy did their very best, but they were grown ups. They knew that the cushion
wouldn’t last as long as they hoped it would. So Daddy and Younger Woman tried
to teach Beautiful Girl how to stand up for herself. They tried to teach
Beautiful Girl what was worth fighting over, and what wasn’t.
In the end, all Younger Woman and Daddy could do was
cultivate strength in Beautiful Girl, Love her, and hope that it would be
enough.
